Thursday, February 28, 2013

Movie 43 [A Fat Jesus Movie Review]

Ho-boy. Movie 43 is well..something. When I first saw trailers for this last year I was kinda excited to see it. I love comedy, so getting a great one to start of the year really appealed to me. Not to mention the start studded cast that it had accrued.  The basketball sketch, heavily shown in the trailers, looked to be the best bit of this headlining movie. This was slated to be a laugh riot, but then it came out. It made just 4 million it's opening weekend and got hammered by critics. Movie 43 is one of the worst received movies of all time. As much as I looked forward to this, once I watched it, I grabbed my pitchfork and torch as well.

Movie 43 follows the story of a man, Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid), pitching the worst movie in the world to movie executive Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear) and his manager Bob Mone (Common). The comedy film being pitched is an anthology of 11 short films (and two faux-commercials). All of the shorts deal with some form of edgy and shock value humor. Such as a woman going on a date with a man with balls on his neck and a couple who is planning to have one defecate on the other out of love. When Wessler gets annoyed that Schraeder isn't buying into his ideas, he pulls a gun. This Howard the Duck-esque film may be bullied into actually being made.

I don't wanna spoil any of the awful shorts, in case people out there still wanna see this. But, for me, only one of these was even remotely funny to me. I'll start with that as "Victory's Glory" got the most laughs outta me. That's not saying much, as I'd already seen a lot of the funniest parts of this from the trailers. Terrance Howard leading a basketball team against an all white team for the first time in the 1959. Only motivating them by drilling into their heads that "they're white, you're black" was a good-ish concept. I can only recall laughing two other times in this and that's in two other shorts. Once in "Homeschooled" when the kid looks at the fridge and then in "The Proposition" when JB Smoove was on-screen with Chris Pratt. In a comedy movie I'm supposed to laugh right? I mean, was I missing thing, or forgetting what I thought was funny? No. I love edgy and shock value humor. When it's done right that is. Aside what I pointed out above, this is fully devoid of comedy in all its forms.

I'm racking my brain to come up with a full paragraph to go here that doesn't just consist of "Why did all these actors agree to this" or "Holy Jesus, this is the worst movie of all time." Honestly it would just be easier to leave it at this. I understand actors and actresses just wanting to have a good time on set sometimes. Everyone deserves a break. But it boggles my mind that someone like Halle Berry or Kate Winslet would want to do this. This is far from the worst movie in my mind. Movies like Transformers 3Epic Movie and Wicker Man are worse to me. But this is just plain bad cause it's the first outright TERRIBLE movie I've seen in a long while. By comparison, I also gave Gangster Squad a one out of ten. I couldn't even finish that movie and somehow it's still better than this. Peter Farrelly has made some stinkers in his time, but this is easily the worst he's ever done, and maybe the worst movie ever shown in theaters. I'm sick of breading this awful film at this point, and I'm sure I'm just being plain repetitive.

Instead of my normal conclusion paragraph, I'll be doing this. This a full list of on-screen talent from Movie 43. From unknowns and NBA stars to Oscar winners and comedy mainstays. My only question is still, what where they on when they agreed to be apart of this awful movie.
[Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Common as Bob Mone, Charlie Saxton, Will Sasso, Odessa Rae, Seth MacFarlane, Mike Meldman, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Julie Claire, Katie Finneran, Roy Jenkins, Rocky Russo, Anna Madigan, Jeremy Allen White, Liev Schreiber, Naomi Watts, Alex Cranmer, Julie Ann Emery, Anna Faris, Chris Pratt, J. B. Smoove, Jarrad Paul, Maria Arcé, Aaron LaPlante, Kieran Culkin, Emma Stone, Arthur French, Brooke Davis, Josh Shuman, Cathy Cliften, Cherina Monteniques Scott, Richard Gere, Kate Bosworth, Jack McBrayer, Aasif Mandvi, Zach Lasry, Darby Lynn Totten, Marc Ambrose, Justin Long, Jason Sudeikis, Uma Thurman, Bobby Cannavale, Kristen Bell, John Hodgman, Leslie Bibb, Will Carlough, Katrina Bowden, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloë Grace Moretz, Patrick Warburton, Jimmy Bennett, Matt Walsh, Gerard Butler, Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Esti Ginzburg, Halle Berry, Stephen Merchant, Sayed Badreya, Snooki, Caryl West, Ricki Noel Lander, Paloma Felisberto, Jasper Grey, Benny Harris, Zen Gesner, Terrence Howard, Aaron Jennings, Corey Brewer, Jared Dudley, Larry Sanders, Jay Ellis, Brian Flaccus, Brett Davern, Evan Dumouchel, Sean Rosales, and Logan Holladay, Mandy Kowalski, Eric Stuart, Elizabeth Banks, Josh Duhamel, Emily Alyn Lind, Michelle Gunn and Christina Linhardt.]

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