Saturday, August 23, 2014

Lucy [A Fat Jesus Quick Hit]

'Lucy' is one of those flicks I had no intention of seeing, but then I ended  up watching it with some friends. I was not expecting this to be good. In fact, this is one of those movies, whose premise left me dumbfounded as to why this could even get made. This review is not going to review this as if it's an action, sci-fi, thriller, oh no. This review will done in the style as if I was watching a comedy. Because watching 'Lucy,' I can honestly say, that I laughed, more than any human ever should have at this.

'Lucy' follows the story of Lucy (Scarlett Johansson), a 25-year old American woman who is studying abroad in Taiwan. We're thrust immediately into the action, as Lucy is tricked by her new boyfriend Richard (Pilou Asbæk) into becoming a drug mule. Richard's boss is a Korean drug lord by the name of  Mr. Jang (Choi Min-sik) who is having Lucy, and three others, smuggle a synthesized version CPH4 throughout Europe. While she is being held at her destination, Lucy is beaten by her captors and the drugs' container is broken, letting it seep directly into Lucy's system. The drugs do wonders on her body, as she is instantly able to begin using telekinesis and has enhanced mental and physical abilities. This allows her to escape her captors and start to form a plan. This plan consists of getting the rest of the drugs back from Mr. Jang. It also involves getting to world renowned professor, Samuel Norman (Morgan Freeman), whose research into the human brain may be enough to save her.

First off, this movie flew by, as it's only 82 minutes. Despite it being the most unintentionally funny movie I've watched recently, it didn't take up all that much of my time. Everything starts to become funny as soon as this film gets rolling. There are the obvious comedic parts that they actually threw in there, those are mostly awful. The real fun starts when Samuel Norman, is giving a lecture and there's an over abundance of stock footage littered throughout. Including, but not limited to, cool shots of exotic rivers and landscapes, which leads into a nice moment where I'm watching frogs mate and a baby deer being born. The fun doesn't end there, because this stock footage is some sort of recurring gag throughout this. Inserted whenever Lucy starts to learn or Morgan Freeman is talking aloud. Then the drugs begin to invade Lucy's body after she is beaten up, this is where all semblance of logic and writing is thrown completely out the window. Not only does unlocking your brain's potential turn you into an android, it also makes you a emotionless, psychopathic murderer contained in a superhero's body. Seriously, Lucy becomes borderline God-like. You can believably write someone having telekinetic powers or even having the sonar-like radar dolphins have. But, I'm going to lose my mind and die of laughter, if you're gonna try to convince me, that unlocking a human brain can disarm a room full of thugs and proceed to suspend them in mid-air. Don't think for once second either, that I can suspend my belief, that with 80% (or whatever it was at that point) of my brain power, I can physically see, sort through and control data. Or that with  90% of my brain's power I can mentally travel back in time and see exactly how everything as we know it, came to be. It's like they wrote each percentage jump, as over the top as possible, and I bought into the comedy aspect of all this hook, line and sinker. Also there is almost nothing positive in this movie. There is no character development, acting skills, fun music, decent action or good dialogue. If the story and writing wasn't so unintentionally hilarious, this would be my worst movie of the year to date. Side note: the fact that I can go to Staples, buy a flash drive and then store all of the universe's knowledge on it, is hysterical.

I want to find the people who genuinely liked this film and shake their hand. If I had any hope for this film, or took it seriously, I'd be pretty pissed off that I wasted my time with 'Lucy.' This is truly a bad movie, only saved by the fact that I could completely turn my brain off, constantly ask myself what the hell is going on and enjoy each frame where Scarlett looks like she's holding in a nasty fart. This is a movie that takes a somewhat interesting premise, draws a line it wants to try and cross and then proceeds to blow up that line with a landmine. 'Lucy' is a great movie if you're drunk, or high, or want to see Scarlett Johansson in a thin white t-shirt. If you go into this expecting the next great sci-fi movie, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. 

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