Friday, May 10, 2013

Scary Movie V [A Fat Jesus Movie Review]

Well this movie was something to say the least. It had more of a story line than Movie 43, but was less funny than A Haunted House. Apparently 2013 is going to be a year full of spoofs, and Scary MoVie aka Scary Movie 5, does nothing to stand out from the pack. In fact it almost does nothing to be funny. They dragged Charlie Sheen out of whatever drug hole he was in and also Lindsay Lohan from whatever court room she was in. Also they choose Ashley Tisdale as a lead? Well she's finally broken away from Disney to headline a truly awful movie. Scary Movie 5 is hardly the worst spoof you'll see this year, but like the best one, it's really not good at all.

Scary Movie 5, starts out with Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan getting together to make a sex tape. After various things happens such as gymnastics and a horse coming in to bed with them they finish. Charlie is then pulled around the room by a paranormal force that soon possesses Lindsay. She kills Charlie Sheen and then flees. It's reported Lindsay has been arrested for the murder of Sheen and Charlie's three children are missing. Several months later Snoop Dogg and Mac Miller are in the Humboldt County woods looking for weed. After stealing a comically over sized joint, they flee into an abandoned house. Once they're in, they find three creatures, who appear to be little girls, and are later confirmed to be Charlie's missing kids. Snoop and Mac proceed to turn them in for the a reward. The children are placed in isolation, since they are feral-like. A few months later, Charlie's brother, Dan Sanders (Simon Rex), and his wife Jody (Ashley Tisdale) are called to take the kids in as guardians. Jody doesn't like the idea of living with the kids, but soon gets used to the notion. While all this is happening, she auditioning for the lead in a ballet production of Swan Lake, and is cast as the swan queen. Both on and off the stage Jody and everyone she has come into contact with is experiencing bizarre paranormal events. She has to learn to continue to live with these children and overcome this evil that is consuming her life.

There is some good in this movie. It actually has a fairly decent story-line, which most spoofs seem to lack on. Despite it being a terrible one, it sticks well to the story once it kicks in. I find it hard to find a lot of redeeming things about this, so I'm clinging to the smaller stuff.  I like stoner comedy, probably more than most, so the small parts of the movie that involved Snopp Dogg and Mac Miller were actually pretty humorous to me. I liked their back and forth, the one liners and the general stupidity that comes with the stoner brand of comedy. There were also pretty good one liners scattered throughout. Most all of the gag and prop comedy used is bad, but there's a lot good in the dialogue if you choose not to focus on the bad. This may be the shortest "the good in this movie" paragraph I've ever written, but there is literally nothing else that I found redeeming about this movie.

The acting is this is mildly entertaining at best. The best performance went to Simon Rex for and that's mostly cause I didn't know who he was at all. I had no expectations towards him and mostly why he was decent. Sheen and Lohan provide nothing but the opening and Snoop and Mac Miller, while funny to me, aren't around much either. The lead in Ashley Tisdale is bland and boring to me as well. I think that's mostly cause of the writing, but I think this wasn't the best role for her to finally break away from Disney. It's what she does from here on out that will really break her career. This would just be what pushed her down the hill. The other huge thing his the humor. I'm supposed to laugh watching this. That just didn't happen. While the parts including Snoop Dogg and Mac Miller were entertaining to me, nothing past a few witty one liners throughout. The jokes are bland and some of the spoofs are outdated. The bit parts and physical comedy weren't funny at all either. This is bland story that is mostly unfunny throughout. The two biggest things Scary Movie V hinges on, the acting and the humor, are so bad that you're gonna wonder why this even got picked up to be made.

Scary Movie V is not a movie that's worth seeing unless you're an uber fan of the series that hasn't been good since it's first movie. If you go in to enjoy Ashley Tisdale outside of Disney finally you'll be wholly disappointed. While this spoof actually follows a story, it's a bland one. Finally this is a comedy. Comedies are supposed to be funny, which this just doesn't do. While you may smile a few times, or be entertained by stoner comedy, like me, there just isn't a lot to laugh at all. There is just everything wrong with Scary Movie 5, and unless you have to see it to fulfill seeing the first four, I strongly suggest you stay away.

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